Forever Grateful!

I have been keeping this blog for over 5 years now and I have never written a post like this. This blog was created to capture the many big and small moments in my family that I will always want to remember and want my family to remember. With that said, this is not a private blog. I have thought of making it private, like many of my fellow bloggers have, but I never felt like anything I posted needed  to be restricted from view with possession of the blog link (Meaning you can't find my blog on a search engine, it's blocked. Either myself or someone I know would have to provide the link). For the first time, I feel like I want to restrict availability to my blog. Not because I'm writing anything mean or inappropriate, but because I want to protect this very special experience, my heart, and mostly, the validity of it.

Here goes...

About a week ago I was lying in bed, while my family slept, I was enjoying a little bit of quite time surfing through Face Book on my phone. I stumbled on a link that a friend of mine shared called Mitchell's Journey. From the title alone I knew that this link probably led to some heart squeezing story. I almost passed up the link because I really didn't feel in the mood to read something that would most likely make me cry. For some reason, I clicked on the link despite my mood.

I know I lack the skill to write and express what transpired once I started to read and learn about Mitchell's Journey. I wish I could share this experience and capture all that it was to me, but I know it will only be a small fraction.

Mitchell's Journey

Due to a large part of Chris Jones', author, photographer, and Mitchell's loving father, I was able to take an intimate look into this little boy's life. I spent the next hour learning about sweet, quiet, Lego loving Mitchell, and the devastating struggles he faced almost every day of his life.

Side note: A very brief description about Mitchell
At the age of  3 Mitchell was diagnosed with Duchene Muscular Dystrophy, a catastrophic muscle wasting disease which results in progressive muscle deterioration and is fatal by late teens/early twenties. As I read about Mitchell, I learned his body was in the advance stages of the disease even though he was only 10 years of age, and his enlarged heart was weakening, leaving him just a short time left on this earth.

Meet Mitchell Jones

I drenched the t-shirt I was wearing with my many tears (since I couldn't bring myself to get up and retrieve some Kleenexes). I cried for this little boy I didn't even know existed a few hours prior, and unexpectedly, felt a deep love for him. I cried for his pain, and constant struggle to breath the sacred breath of life. I cried for this parents and siblings, for their broken hearts, for the front row seat they had to all the pain and suffering, and for the imminent loss that would all too soon be theirs.

With Sadie's 3rd birthday just two days away, it brought sobering memories of the loss of our sweet baby girl, and the indescribable pain that accompanies the loss of a child. I then cried for the loss and absence of our precious babies. My heart aches for them everyday!

The next morning I woke up with red swollen puffy eyes. There was no hiding the tears I shed. I spent the day with Mitchell and his family never far from my thoughts. I thought often of Mitchell and his sweet smile that seemed so familiar to me. I seriously felt like I knew and loved this little boy! I was a little shocked at my feelings and feared to express them to anyone let alone myself. My mind and heart wondered how could this be?

I was anxious for the kids to be in bed again, so I could be alone and fully immerse myself with Mitchell and his amazing journey. I spent another night weeping for this boy and his family as I read more and more of Mitchell's life. (This time I had a box Kleenex instead of my shirt.)

This is the pile of Kleenexes collected by my bed that night.



By this time Brock was getting a little concerned about me and my emotions towards this family. I cried as I told him about little Mitchell, and how I loved this little boy I had never even met. Brock could understand my feelings, and being able to relate to this family. But there were signs of  worry on his face, remembering all to well, what it was like to watch me mourn for our own children. I know he wanted to protect me from any unnecessary pain, as did my Mom when I shared Mitchell with her.

The next morning I was cleaning up dishes from breakfast and I just had this strong feeling that Mitchell had passed. I remember thinking that it was weird that I had that thought. I got on FB and saw that my feeling was confirmed. Mitchell had passed away early that morning. I knew Mitchell didn't have long to live, but I was surprised and saddened at how fast it came. I had just found him and now he was already gone.

Shortly before Mitchell passed away. March 2, 2013

My heart hurt and the tears came instantly. I cried and cried throughout the day and could feel the loss of this brave little boy to my very core. I didn't understand why this loss hurt so much. I didn't even know Mitchell existed two days ago. I felt the loss of this little boy, not like it was my own child, but a very close second. How could that be?...I barely even knew him.

I tried reasoning with myself, that the reason I felt the way I did was because they lived close to us (about 30 miles away), and with it almost being Sadie's birthday, I was extra sensitive to the situation. Then I started to worry that maybe Heavenly Father was trying to prepare me for something I might have to face with one of my own children someday. I cried even more tears at the thought of that.

Sunday was hard (March 3rd). It was Sadie's 3rd birthday and the anniversary of her death, which always pulls a little harder on our heart strings, than every other day, but now I was also immersed in the passing of little Mitchell. Brock and I always try to think of Chase and Sadie's birthdays as good days. We feel peace where they are concerned and know we will be with them again.

Celebrating Sadie!

My mourning and compulsion with the Jones family continued until Monday night, when the house was quiet and asleep. I was again pulled towards Mitchell and anything and everything about him. On Mitchell's Journey FB page there was a post of Mitchell's obituary. I began reading it and saw for the first time...Mitchell's birth date - April 29, 2002. What??? I read it again to make sure, as my heart was pounding and tears already forming in my eyes. April 29, 2002 is the day our precious baby boy came into and left this world!

The puzzle pieces began to fall into place... Chase and Mitchell were born on the very same day! They would be exactly the same age! I couldn't believe it! Until then I hadn't even really connected that they were close in age. I felt very strongly in that moment (and still do) that Mitchell and Chase are somehow connected...like maybe they were good friends before this life and this was a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father to help me feel closer to my son (something I pray for continually). Those sweet thoughts brought me instant peace and warmth, and testified that this experience is not just a random coincidence. 

I woke up Brock and I told him what I had just discovered, and even in his groggy state, he could feel the significance of this connection. My words will never be able to fully describe the love, awe, warmth, sweetness, peace, comfort, and joy we felt to be privy to such an experience. We will forever be grateful for this precious gift.

I called my Mom the next day to share with her what I learned. As soon as I told her that Chase and Mitchell shared the exact same birth date, she could instantly feel the connection Brock and I had felt the night before, and voiced the same thoughts I had about them being friends prior to this life. I was so grateful that she got it, and that I could share this sweet enlightenment with her.

A week has passed since Mitchell's passing and yesterday he was laid to rest. I still mourn for Mitchell and his family, and shed many tears daily on their behalf, but there is peace and comfort with it. My prayers and love go out to the Jones family, and I will forever be grateful to them for sharing Mitchell with us and thousand others.

I would encourage anyone to go read and learn about Mitchell and his amazing journey. Not because of the connection I shared here, but because Mitchell and his family have touched thousands of people all over the world by their actions, love for one another, and faith through an extremely trying and sensitive time.

I would love to someday share with Mitchell's Mom how much I admire her as a mother. It was easy to see and feel the selfless and complete love she has for Mitchell and her other children. I will forever strive to be the kind of mother she is. I will hold my children a little longer and a little tighter, be grateful for the fingerprints on the wall and the mounds of dirty laundry, and love and welcome each new day.